I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Floor bacon is actually really good
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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