There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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