yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
