I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
