I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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