I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
