Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I believe in your delicious
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
