he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize