Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
