I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
