she woke up with a sticky ear
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
