My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
sarcasm needs its own font
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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