Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
