He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
