I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
