those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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