He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
