yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
