so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
