I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
