Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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