sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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