tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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