I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
