saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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