During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
