She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
