OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
