im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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