you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
