It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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