my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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