I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
