I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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