just tell him i said nine months
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
