So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
