You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
