i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
