Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
