So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
