so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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