It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
