there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
