so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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