That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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