I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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