i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
