I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
