yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Less talking, more tequila
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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