if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
