Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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