so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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