he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
