Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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