Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
